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Midnight Thoughts of Solitude

by Confident

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1.
These clear skies know everything about me. My hope, my dreams, my falls. This is not the life I want to live. I'm taking the wrong way once again. Tonight I'm on my way to home. These living nightmares don't leave me alone. I don't want to be like this anymore. I am not comfortable with myself. People say that home is where heart is. So, if my heart is dying, where will I go? I can lie to you all but I would never know where I come from and where I have to go. I hate the fact that my mind's so lost that I can't find my way. I've lost my mind, I've lost my heart, I've lost this war against myself. Fuck. This is what I am, this is what I mean. I hate everything around me and there's nothing I can do about it.
2.
I realized that every cycle must end That every dream has an end That every season has to change. But this heart, this heart will never change. This heart will not change… My mind will always be the same, I will always be the same. And if you changed for yourself, Refrain from blame me for that. I’ll stay away from your life Stay away from mine. Now that I have to let you go I’ll start to worry about myself. There is a long road ahead And stars are reaching me. This is the straw that broke the camel. You turned into everything I hate. Just a shadow, just a shadow of what you used to be. I torture myself thinking and thinking on the mistakes we made. It consumes my dreams and leaves me with sleepless nights. So, here I am, writing this letter that will never be read. Just know this, you’re not my reason to wake up anymore.
3.
I never thought that you could be so important to me. You came to be the light on the shadow of my life. You pushed aside the darkness that ruled my heart, because the purest heart is the one... is the one that you have. Now I have lost my faith, and I will find it till I see you again. We made this promise... we made this promise that I wish we wouldn't keep. Now I know that words will never be enough to describe the way I feel. (Words will never be enough) Maybe you were right... Maybe you deserve something more than this. (Maybe you were right) Something more than me. You are everything to me, (everything to me) but it doesnt matter how much I cry, (how hard I scream) how hard I scream or how loud I say your name, because you're no longer... you're no longer here. A single tear run down my face as I look into your eyes. I watch you go away, you're not coming... you're not coming back.
4.
Overthinking drives me nowhere. I could spend a lifetime torturing myself with my thoughts and all the shit my mind creates to play with me. My question is, why would I expect too much from someone who doesnt give a shit about me? There are still things about me that I don't even understand. I have to open my mind. It doesn't matter how much I try to force things to be, they'll stay the same and I'd only risk to make things worse and loose the few things that really matters. The universe works in very strange ways. I should open my mind and start trusting, push aside all the negativity that drowns my thoughts and let things take their own way by its self. It doesn't matter how much I try to force things to be, they'll stay the same and I'd only risk to make things worse and loose the few things that really matters. The universe works in very strange ways. I should open my mind and start trusting, push aside all the negativity that drowns my thoughts and let things take their own way by its self. The universe speaks to me in very strange ways, but the decisions are taken by me.
5.
When I catched that stare I just fell, I could't pretend that I wouldn't care. While I was blinded by other words, I realised that this would be something worth. I hasn't known the sense of certainty for a long time. Things started to be clear inside my head. I feel you close. Don't go away. Time's still running and we are closer to death.
6.
Where do you go when everything you love seems to fade away? What do you do when everyone you trust doesn’t care at all? When home is the only place you feel alive, I want to tell you the story, the story that has set me free. This place will set me free, this place will set us free. And after all you question, I am still... I'm still the same I’m still here for you. And I just want to find a place in your heart. I will find a way to break from this chains, to break from this slavery, from this pain. Just break free from this chains, and from this place. Trying to work it out, trying to waste my time for you. But you’re still thinkin' of all the things you said and done. *Lyrics by Miguel Caso
7.
Lately things have been fine but my mind's been playing tricks on me and it has forced me to think about things I shouldn't think. What am I suppose to do? Times are getting harder and we're ignoring it. Sometimes I think in the plans that we made and I'm not sure if we're gonna make it. Could we stay like this? I don't know if I could stay like this. I don't know if I could stay like this. Everything is uncertain, except the fact that I love you and I don't wanna let you go. I feel so insecure, the uncertainty's killing me. I don't know if I could stay like this. Everything is uncertain, except the fact that I love you and I don't wanna let you go. The uncertainty's killing me. But you should never forget that I will always do everything possible to make things work, for you and for us.
8.
Ghosts 02:43
I have these dreams, these fucking dreams where all I see is dark and the light of my mind isn't bright enough to take away these demons that feed themselves with my depression. That feed themselves with my depression... Trying to scape but I just find myself sunk in this feeling of helplessness. With my eyes wide open all I can see are those living nightmares laughing at me. They're laughing at me... Getting calm is just an option because fear already surrounded me. When I take the courage to face the darkness, I walk into the light and find that peace that we have always wanted. That we have always wanted... I take the courage to face the darkness, I walk into the light and find that peace that we have always wanted. That we have always wanted... Open your mind, open your heart. Let it go, your soul will emerge and your conscience will be eternal.
9.
Why do I always feel like I'm not going anywhere? I keep walking straight without destination towards the horizon. The place that should have set me free feels no longer like home. It's hard to pretend that I'm fine with myself when I strive too much to get through this daily life of mine. I feel so fucking dry, so empty, so drained. Staring at the ceiling with that pressure feeling over my chest. Spending my nights with my hands on my head praying for the life we've always dreamt of. Midnight thoughts of solitude. "Staring at the ceiling with that pressure feeling over my chest. Spending my nights with my hands on my head praying for the life we've always dreamt of. Midnight thoughts of solitude, YOU LET ME DIE ALONE." And I'm just trying to forget everything you said but all those words keep torturing my head in my sleep, torturing my head in my sleep.. This place is no longer my home. Fuck the feelings, keep the memories. I'm losing hunger, losing sleep. I'm just a fuck up.
10.
Restless 02:30
These words I wrote will speak for me. My lungs have turned from red to grey. For all those sleepless nights and all the thoughts behind. Despite the lonely times I'll always see the light. The love we felt won't fade away. But all the things that could have been... If only I could write a line, speak a word or make a thing to bring you back. I'll find a way to bring you back. The love we felt won't fade away. But all the things that could have been... If only I could write a line, speak a word or make a thing to bring you back. I'll find a way to bring you back. These words I wrote will speak for me. My lungs have turned from red to grey. For all those sleepless nights and all the thoughts behind. Despite the lonely times I'll always see the light. The love we felt won't fade away. But all the things that could have been... If only I could write a line, speak a word or make a thing to bring you back. I'll find a way to bring you back. I'll keep walking through this endless roads, through this empty streets till I get to home. This is all a dream, when I open my eyes I realize I'm still alive.

about

Our sophomore release. A taste of what a child from melancholy and hate would sound like.

credits

released July 27, 2015

Cover Art by: Brian Andrey Castro♥
Posing by: Axel Villalobos♥ and Erick Covarrubias.
Thank you guys for being part of this project.

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Confident Tijuana, Mexico

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